camat ari rayeee sumeee! hihi

haaa, sebagaimane target untuk tahun2 seblom ni,
saye dengan bebesar hati mempesembahkan 
lagu raye saye untuk tahon iniii!!!

selamat aidilfitri,
kepada saudara serta saudari,
setahun hanya sekali,
merayakan hari yang mulia ini

di masa bulan remdan,
ade yang hilang berat sampai se-tan,
pabila syawal berjalan,
perangai pun telah balek macam setan

miskin kaya semua rasa hepi betol-betol,
tapi tak sewaktu pi membayar tol,
ku berdoa semoge sume oghang cukup pose
kalu tak, duit raye tu tak kose

marilah bergembira,
bersama menikmati hari raya,
sewaktu nak amek gambo,
kalu posing over memang mintak tampo

ade oghang time pose makan banyak cam bil lektrik,
tapi tu tape sebab memang gestrik,
jangan tanya 'awak tu bile lagi kawen cik kak',
nanti ade yang jadi mangse sepak

selamat hari raya,
hari untuk kita bersuka ria,
ini se-kadar permainan,
untuk bagi gelak sampai tahun depan

selamaaat haaariii raaayaaa!

sekiantimekaseh. hihi.

mane laaa nak letak muke aku nih.

hello! it's your favourite buddy avoch! 

every now and then i tell a joke
that backfires so badly i feel i wanna
just run away in embarrassment

went off to the counter to order food,
then the counter girl asks me politely,

"...order ni, makan ke bang?..."

and i said, "...makan la kan,

takkan untuk saye tengok je kot.

kelako le plak kan heheheh..."

...i was the only one laughing.

#OhPleaseDearGodPleaseSendMeATimeMachine

OrABigPaperBagForMeToCoverMyFaceOkBai

U.F.O = Unidentified Fucking Object

right.

did anyone else find the whole youtube sensation
about the UFO sighting somewhere at sunway
to be a taaaaaaaaad hilarious?

let's see, i quote;

"juruvideo, john tan melihat cahaya bintang yang sangat terang 

dan berseri serta kelipan cahaya lampu berwarna warni ketika 

dia sedang menikmati makan malam di sini dua minggu lalu"

"dengan peralatan ditangan dia terus merakamkan insiden tersebut 

dengan disertakan komentar lucu daripada rakan-rakan 

yang turut serta dalam makan malam bersamanya"

"adalah mustahil jika ia satu permainan kerana mana ada 

bateri normal dapat bertahan lama seperti itu"

"ketika dihubungi, agensi angkasa negara (angkasa) 

berkata memberitahu masih terlalu awal untuk menyatakan 

layang-layang terlibat dalam fenomena tersebut"

"orang tidak akan bermain layang-layang pada waktu malam kerana 

tidak ada angin," kata ketua pengarah, dr mustafa din subari"

"sementara itu, angkasawan negara, datuk dr sheikh muszaphar

berkata pasti ada satu penjelasan logik mengenai apa yang berlaku"

"satu daripada alasan kami pergi ke angkasa adalah untuk melihat 

sama ada terdapat bentuk hidupan lain di luar sana. 

makhluk asing atau tidak, tidak ada bukti lagi 

dan kami masih mencarinya"

mesians. you just gotta love em.

wowowo hati girang!

sile drive slow-slow. kang wowowo pi bayo saman plak.

perjalanan balek tak ku rasaaaaaa,
kerna balek naik air asiaaaaaa,
mari balek kampong sama-samaaaaaa,
mane tau dapat duet rayaaaaaa!

wowowo balek kampoooooong,
wowowo balek kampoooooong,
wowowo balek kampoooooong,
hati giraaaaaang!

hihi.

usop wilcha

i swear to god, this is one of the funniest
things i have EVER saw on national tv LOL

cow shit!

there is nothing funnier than to watch elmo swear!
i just love it hahahaha!

tu pun, kalau awak sudi le kaaan?

malay people are just plain nasty.

no, better yet, they know how to be nasty in a nice way.
a prime example of that is the use of the term;
"...itu pun, kalau awak sudi..."

now, that term is used to corner other people
into submitting to our every single needs.
it excels in doing that, simply bcos it takes away
the pressure from us, to the other person in question

it questions the other person's morality instead.

say no, and the other person becomes a bad person.
say no, and the other person is the inconsiderate one.
say no, and the other person is perceived as evil

it is downright GENIUS!

so, the next time you want something from your malay frens,
use the term profusely, bcos more often that not,
your fren will buckle under his / her morality,
and submit to every single whim you might have!

contoh penggunaan;

"...dah 15 jam saye tidak makan. boleh ke awak
tolong banje saye makan ayam kfc? itu pun, kalu sudi..."

and PRESTO! you'd be munching on kfc in no time!

don't you just love being nasty?
i certainly do. heheheh!

eat a fancy meal? go somewhere exotic maybe?

off yahoo news! a man's last wish
was to go gamble at a casino.

he won 400 bucks.
then fell dead.

out of all the things he could've chosen,
he picked winning 400 bucks by gambling.
then dropped dead.

what an idiot.

humour has no age limit

sometimes you come across comedy
which is original and super hilarious!

i proudly present, 'OPN: Old People News'

oh, they review technology btw 8-D

Old People News: The Tech Report
Tags: Atom.com,Atom Originals,Atom Blog,Upload Videos

ass-phalt

there are plenty of ways to describe someone

you can describe their appearance,
their hobbies, their personality,
plenty, plenty of ways

but imagine getting described
the way i described this particular person;

"...it's like a mosquito bite on your ass.
you don't want it there but it is.
you can scratch it all you want but it keeps itching.
you can ignore it to a certain extent
but your ass itches so much it drives you insane..."

wow. talk about being an ass 8-D

hot chick

i attract chickens

no, i don't mean chickens
as in chicks.
as in hot gals

i mean, well, live chickens

case in point;
i once drove to work and a chicken hit me.
that's right. the chicken hit me.
instead of me hitting the chicken

the chicken is a part of a chicken gang,
and the chicken gang resides in a house
which is located at the end of the road
in which i need to pass every morning

and the chicken, well, saw my car
and headed straight for it
and rammed my door

i didn't stop just in case i got
unfairly framed for murdering a chicken,
but i did manage to see the chicken
clucking around dengan rupe sangat pening
setelah sebok melanggo my car

and it happened. again. last week

so either it's the same chicken
who is actually suicidal,
or another chicken who is equally suicidal,
or perhaps the gang is a suicidal chicken cult

or, i attract chickens. live chickens.

it's actually more common than you think!

now, imagine this

you do your work and submit the correct thing.
then the person who receives it is a buffoon.
so that buffoon thinks there's something hugely wrong with it,
and goes to another buffoon trying to get clarification

but then again THAT buffoon doesn't quite know
how things work regarding this type of job,
so he /she panics and runs around all day,
then goes to ANOTHER buffoon seeking a solution

then the buffoon who is asked IS a buffoon him / herself
so he /she panics and calls a meeting.
and in the end, sekumpulan buffoons sits at a round table
trying to figure a solution when there isn't one

...simply because it was never an issue in the 1st place

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

the world is a funny place.
and the working world is even funnier.

you gotta love them japanese folk

no matter how many times i watch this,
it NEVER fails to make my day 8-D

the 2010 camping diaries (part 2)

soaking yourself. also strangely fun.

i am actually looking forward to day 2;
we are off for white water rafting!

i am by no means the adventurous type,
but there is a something about bobbling around
in a rubber boat with water splashing everywhere
that strangely appeals to me heheh!

maybe i was deprived of a rubber ducky as a boy

=============================================

i have actually bought new shoes for this;
a pair of brand new hundred-ish bucks crocs!

upon reaching the venue i am shocked to find out
that 2 other people are using crocs as well,
only difference is, it only cost them 20 bucks

darn you pasar malam 8-D

=============================================

i didn't know that we had to travel some more
in order to actually get to the rafting site

i didn't know we had to travel naik lori buruk
yang angkut lembu and ayam and kambing segale tuh

i didn't know how farm animals and livestock feels
when they are transported from the farm to the market

i certainly know now.

=============================================

i like props!

i am super excited to see the big rubber raft!
i am excited to wear the bright orange vest!
i am excited to pick and hold the cool paddle!
i am excited to wear the cool yellow helmet!

wait, what? we're supposed to CARRY the bloody raft?
all the way to the friggin' river?
on my friggin' head and shoulders?

wow. it was always a life's dream for me
to be lugging some friggin' heavy rubber boat
on my head downhill. hello? ever heard of a tow?

needless to say i am less excited about rafting.

=============================================

the rafting itself was a blast!

it felt like going on a roller coaster,
and i think the best part was being able
to splash water at other groups using the paddle

apparently the scariest point is where the guide
would purposely flip you and you fall into the water

i pretend to be worried, safe in the knowledge
that i have started swimming at my new place
2 weeks earlier in a row, so people are
rather amazed at my calmness about getting soaked

preparation is key you see. heheheh

=============================================

the dinner was a themed event; occupation

there are plenty of great outfits on the night;
i saw a forest ranger outfit, a pilot outfit,
a tarrot card reader, a magician with props,
a couple of waiters in bow ties, great!

the best dressed male / female awards went to
the people who i voted for; a chef and a nurse.
i voted based on authenticity, and my word
those two looked very very authentic!

i myself showed up in an occupational outfit;
was dressed as a sports coach, with a whistle

but that pales massively in comparison
with the prop i decided to wear for the night.
i have showed up with the ultimate in fashion;

a stick-on moustache.

=============================================

the final day goes by in a flash;
we have an event of permainan kampong

apparently they are traditional games
where you would baling oghang gune bola tenis
while trying to stack a bunch of slippers together,
and you have a game where you would hafta run
from one end of the area to the other,
while there are people who are trying to block you

during the briefing and demo they said
that these were traditional malay games
and every malay person knows about it

i am tempted to find a mirror,
since i have never played this EVER,
and for some reason i look as blank
as the colombians and egyptians and europeans here

=============================================

we travel back to the big, bad scary city,
and as much as i am relieved to return to normalcy,
i look back on the camping trip and realize that;

i have been running around like hell,
i have been forced to eat rice and god knows what,
i have been eaten alive by bugs and the sun,
i have been soaked and treated like livestock,
and i have fallen ill and horribly sick

but you know what?

did i actually enjoy myself? absolutely!
would i do it again? absolutely

...NOT 8-D

here's to what's in store next year!

the 2010 camping diaries (part 1)

jumping off high places. strangely fun.

i always start camping trips on a high note!

i am always excited, i am always joking around,
and generally speaking i am thrilled at the fact
that i will be spending the next few days
far away from the hustle and bustle of the city
and into the warm cradle of mother wildlife

ok fine, i'm kidding. i friggin' hate the outdoors.

==========================================

one of the things i always look forward to on bus trips
is the promise and anticipation of group sing-alongs!

for some reason i view this as a rite of passage for travel,
where happy campers will join hands in singing
and we would all hold our hands in the air
and wave it around like we just don't care!

instead i am treated to grumpy faces
and mind-boggling silence throughout the bus

even my friend is ignoring me. despite sitting next to me.
and even shrugs off my offer of sharing my curry puffs

oh, the abang bus is blaring bollywood songs.
i feel as if i'm back on my nightmare uni bus trip,
and to make things worse, it's a 2+ hour trip

what an excellent start.

==========================================

like any good organizer, the fun activities
would not only be at the venue itself only,
but during the bus trip as well

i am thrilled to hear that we will be having quizzes!

as i think back to all the teke-teki i know of,
my thoughts are interrupted by the announcement;

“...ok, our quiz will be about oil and gas industry facts!...”

so much for thinking whether chicken or egg comes first.

==========================================

once the oil and gas industry facts quiz
mercifully comes to an end, the lady announces
there will be one more fun activity before we reach camp

sudoku. on a friggin' bus.

she is super duper ecstatic about it,
and shows sooo much passion about
writing down numbers in boxes

she’s probably the only one.

==========================================

as we reach the *aherm* resort, we grab and drag our bags
out of the bus and into the rather crowded reception area

a while later we are told that we're at the wrong place,
and apparently our reception is somewhere else,
and we would hafta walk a short distance away

great. so now i am treated to the sight of 60 people
chugging their luggage aaaaaall the way to the other building

in the hot afternoon sun. great.

==========================================

i quite enjoyed the opening ceremony,
it isn't very often you are treated to a safety briefing in malay,
as well as the hilarious sight of our mc trying to translate
for the benefit of our non-BM speaking colleagues

BM : sekirenye berlaku kebakaran, tolong jangan panik
dan jangan sekali-kali terjun daripada bangunan

BI : if there's a fire, don't jump out of the building!

BM : jangan simpan bahan mudah terbakar dalam bilik
dan jangan mulekan kebakaran dalam bilik anda

BI : don't burn down your room!

that REALLY made my day 8-D

==========================================

our 1st activity is to go to the jungle-ish area,
apparently there are low ropes and high rope activities!

but here's the thing; it's miles and miles away,
so i am treated to another fun filled activity
of walking. under the sun. again.

my mind goes back to the agenda.
tonight there is a jungle walk.
yup, another walking treat

i really think we should rename this as
"...ektiviti bejalan kaki beramai-ramai 2010..." instead

==========================================

the low rope activity is an obstacle course
which involves you running over swinging bridges
and swinging over tyres and jumping around
and climbing more ropes and having a sense of achievement

i manage to camouflage myself amongst the crowd
and i have succeeded in escaping doing this crap,
all the while pulling off a tired expression
and keep drinking the water like others who have done it

i am filled with the sense of achievement

==========================================

we move on to the high ropes now,
and i am shocked to see that the rope is suspended 20 feet
or so in the air and we are expected to cross both sides

i decide against committing suicide and plan to use
the same camouflage tactics as before heheh

...until my friend points out i haven't done anything yet!

i contemplate strangling her at that moment,
but there are too many witnesses around for that now,
so i buckle up and feel resigned to my fate

magically i manage to pull it off!

siap sempat gelak2 and borak2 lagi ngan orang2 kat bawah,
jumping off the high rope downwards in the end was fun!

i contemplate going for another round just for kicks,
but i remember grandma teaching me to be humble,
so i decide against it, and go for this statement instead;

"...saje je takmo buat low rope, buat high rope udah lerrr..."

kehkehkehkehkeh

==========================================

before i went off here, kakak told me to buy supplies
of mosquito repellent and sun-block for protection

since i have no idea how to use them,
i am faced with the dilemma of not knowing
whether sun-block and insect repellent could be mixed,
since we're both in a jungle and in the hot sun!

so i decide to use sun-block on one side
and insect repellent on the other side

coming back to the room, i discover that the left side
of my face and arms are a bit dark and red,
and on the other side is filled with bug bites

i look like some monster experiment gone wrong.

==========================================

the one big issue about this *aherm* resort
is the inability of the *aherm* resort to accomodate
the electrical needs for large number of occupants

it keeps blacking out!

on a positive note, i have learnt a new skill;
macam mane nak mandi dalam gelap

it involves careful hand coordination
to mandi and sabun and shampoo segale
with the art of pressing butang kat henfon
yang dok diletak di atas toilet, supaye ade cahaye sket

and over dinner i hear a blackout joke;
"...seronok jugak mandi dalam gelap ni,
you never know what you're gonna rub!..."

i think that is absolutely hilarious 8-D