four.depression.loneliness.

-depression-

this is the tricky part; conventional wisdom tells me
that the physical manifestation of depression
is the desire to be gloomy and alone

...but what if i were always like that?

what if i were always the type who enjoyed solitude?
what if i were always the type to be gloomy?
does that mean i suffer from depression. already?

i don't view it that way, though.
i think it's normal for someone like me,
and i just think that there are days when i am just sad

ending a relationship saddens me too.

-loneliness-

some people deal with loneliness by talking about it,
some people take up some new hobby,
and some people just revert to good ol' chocolate

...i shop. A LOT.

they say retail therapy isn't really therapy,
specially once you take a good look at your statements,
but dealing is dealing i think, regardless.

normally i would be a lot more sensible,
but hey, in this case, i'm defending it.
because it makes me happy. and i have tangible stuff.

but there is also a great part of me that see this
as a good thing compared to dragging friends down for chats.
i know that friends will be there for you, regardless...

but here's the thing;

i feel guilty and embarrassed to take their time.
simply because it was easy for me to not hangout
when i had a relationship back then

and now reaching out when i'm alone seems, tacky.

...or maybe it's just me. who knows.