name it veggies then.

read in the paper today regarding this massive lawsuit
about the lotus f1 team suing proton

apparently it's because the lotus f1 team
is using the 'lotus' name in their marketing.
and this is wrong, because proton owns the name 'lotus'.
erm, and proton has exclusivity to the name 'lotus',
and the lotus team shouldn't use the word 'lotus'
despite the team principal saying that they bought rights
to use that 'lotus' name, but proton disagrees,
and they say that the lotus team should use a different name,
despite the team already being named 'lotus f1'

...or something like that. haha!

ok, i have a solution to that.
let's call proton as 'cauliflower cars',
and let's call the f1 team 'team cabbage' instead then!

see? done. everybody happy.

i should be in politics.

gripe of the day

it's always a pleasure meeting good old buddies!

specially the ones who didn't send you raye sms
because "...erm, i somehow lost your number..."

hmmmph.

mozilla mozart

there are plenty of things to me
which actually constitutes
into a personal achievement

...finally finding someone else
who understands jargon like sharp, flat,
allegro, allegretto, major, minor and forte
is DEFINITELY one of those things 8-)

it goes thru my vain?

now, some people are vain in the sense
that they like to look in the mirror every second

some people are vain in the sense that they
seem to think so highly of themselves every second

and for some people, they only buy books at kinokuniya

i dunno either man, true story. hahaha!

wanna be on top?

now, having watched a few episodes
of the highly-rated next top model show,
i have come to the following conclusions;

1. models aren't necessarily pretty.
most of contestants look really wierd.

2. models are just stick versions
of everyday, normal crappy people.

3. that jay guy is probably the best-looking
non-guy guy out there in tv today.

4. and to miss j, dude, you're a DUDE.
get over it. and stop prancing around.

5. tyra should really stop trying to be oprah.
despite being a much hotter version of oprah.

regardless of how lowly the work is,

this is the first one-liner posto, off the wonderfully written
"how starbucks saved my life" by michael gates gill

it's a wonderful book. read it.

9 months and counting...

the ring of power. the object of the greatest movie. EVER.

9 months is a looong time

people could pretty much have kids by 9 months.
that's right, from conception to a fully-grown baby.
from a speck of near-nothingness to a living being.

...and that's how long we've gone without a movie,
be it a romantic comedy, action, drama, animation,
that has truly blown me away this year

9 months, people!

and there's only 3 months to go
for something, something out there to salvage the year!
and i have a feeling it won't be a blockbuster flick

and in some ways, i find that to be depressing

movie question of the day

milla and ali. drenched in showering water. in 3D plak tuh!
and it STILL couldn't help the movie 8-D

is it just me, but what exactly was the point
of having that 'resident evil; afterlife' movie?

justification of the day

now, based on a conversation with pak hendra last week;

"...i used to play games a lot like you.
i used to play strategy games,
like war games and industry-building games.

but i stopped playing the day i got married...."

you know what? if THAT isn't justified enuff
to not get friggin' hitched, i don't know WHAT is 8-D

'sad but true' fact of the day

i didn't wear a belt to work today

simply because i wore black and i needed a black belt.
simply because i couldn't find it anywhere at home pagi tadi
and simply because it's the only black belt i have

see? we have one piece of clothing and gals have 17,000

sad but true.

betol ahhh siottt

okay, here's something we should all experience
at least once in our lifetime;

a rempit date

that's right ladies and gentlemen,
a date which consists of wooing a rempit-ish gal
and having rempit-ish conversations

now, the wooing part is quite easy.
you start off by going for 'the look'!

...and it starts by not showering for 3 days
and getting out of bed straightaway

what you would need is some crummy t-shirt
which you take out of the laundry basket
and terus pakai tak payah iron segale

next thing you would need is to invest
in the tried and trusted accessories,
which includes jeans yang sangat ketat
until you feel as if your eyes will pop out,
belts with lotsa 'steel' on it, for that rugged look,
and last but not least the tackiest-looking sneakers

now, the 2nd part is the wooing part,
which, under normal circumstances would be tough,
but not in this case ladies and gentlemen,
as you would only need to practice a basic skill;

...making kiss kiss* sounds to total strangers!

in no time you'll be bagging lotsa phone numbers,
since apparently you don't even need a personality,
just the courage to make annoying kiss kiss sounds

now, the final part would be the date part itself.
steer clear of classy, high-priced restaurants
and go for the more run-down basic food outlets,
since, well, we all know noodles taste the same everywhere

now, to win her heart, do not forget to
go for engaging and mind-blowing topics of conversation.
one of which, is illustrated here;

"...weeyyy arituuu beb, aku nampak kambing
masok longkang ah weyyy, gempak weyyy..."

and sooner rather than later you would be
looked upon with dreamy eyes and the promise of true love

so there you go people, rempit dates.
it's the ultimate experience.

* ps: to sarahK, "...tuuutttseeettt..." is probably NOT
the way to spell the kiss kiss sounds 8-D

my head explodes and my body aches

this is off the very very loud
and very very angst-filled "push it" from garbage

it is awesome.

you'd be amazed...

can you believe this conversation?*
i'm not naming names, so let's call em guy A

guy A : sometimes we even see in the timetrack
there are plenty of 'late in' remarks

me : 08:00:01 hrs is considered late in

guy A : yeah, but sometimes as responsible people,
we should cover back the hours we lost, and not go back at 5

me : so the hours during the weekends don't count?

guy A : that is different. there is no guarantee
people do actual work when they come in weekends

me : there's no guarantee people do actual work
on weekdays and any other day as well

guy A : ya, but at least its official timing.
this one come weekend and maybe just fool around

me : so let me get this straight,
you think people would sacrifice their weekends,
just to go aaaall the way to klcc (bukan nama sebenar)
and spend hours and hours there to 'fool around'?

yup. you'd be amazed at what some people might say

* disclaimer : conversation ni, mungkin akan difahami oleh
sesape yang keje gomen sahaje like me hahaha!

life lesson of the day

now this, boys and girls, is an important lesson

never EVER assume that 2 makciks
who are wearing identical colored-outfits
in a restaurant (however tasty the briyani gam is),
are waitresses in that particular restaurant

and try not to wave at them in order
to get their attention and get in your order

...they might NOT be waitresses

and you might end up wanting to hide behind the chair
or feel like you wanna get out of there. very quickly.

trust me.

announcement of the day

ladies and gentlemen,
drum roll please...

...i am awesome.

that is all.

the girl who...

now, i'm sure by now quite a few of you
have heard of the trilogy of books
and upcoming movies based on the
fantastically named series;

"...the girl with the dragon tattoo...",
"...the girl who played with fire...",
and well, erm, the girl that did something else

so, here's a list of alternative books
than could be adapted to the series;

1. the girl with the monkey tattoo
2. the girl who played with fire (to cook)
3. the girl who burnt the food while cooking
4. the girl who wears contact lens supaye cun time raye
5. the girl that spilled the coffee
6. the girl that ate bugs
7. the girl with the yellow socks
8. the girl with the round nose-hole
9. the girl that adds random people on facebook
10. the girl with the smelly armpits

sekiantimekaseh 8-)

"are you kidding me?" of the day

ok boys and girls,
the next time you get on the lrt,
look out for the rapidkl student pass ad

there's a 'sample' of this particular pass
with a particular person
and a particular ID number
and a particular uni printed on it

...and there's one with a pic
of some random arabian guy
with the name nicely printed;

"...justin timberlake..."

it made me laugh out loud.
in the train. during rush hour.

B.N.M.F.

being the genius that i am,
i have recently purchased an item
that will revolutionalize my life

...a brand new mini fridge!

so my brand new mini fridge
is now proudly stationed kat tingkat atas
right next to my bedroom

not only does it offers me additional
storage for wonderful items such as
the paddle pop rainbow ice-cream
and the tasty orange nutrigena thingy
and lotsa lotsa chocolate milk,
it serves a faaar greater purpose;

it would help counter a simple
but real everyday issue i have;
the fear of going downstairs to get snacks
in the middle of night after:

1. watching cite antu on tv
2. watching iklan cite antu on tv
3. remembering last year's cite antu on tv
4. remembering last year's iklan cite antu on tv
5. the image of seeing your makcik neighbour
dok sidai kain pastuh pakai baju tido
and rambut kusut masai*

sekianterimekaseh 8-D

* disclaimer : it was a REALLY ugly baju tido ok,
sent chills down my trendy spine

buck buck buck

friggin' swans. how motivational.

you know what?

i think there should be a rule
against crappy 'motivational' emails.
and the rule should clearly state;

"...thou shalt not forward crappy motivational emails..."

you know the ones with the cheesy 'motivational' lessons,
and the ones with the cheesy 'motivational' statements,
and the ones with the cheesy 'motivational' pictures!

i mean, i got forwarded one with 'motivational' swans.
that's right people, swans.

so the swans run around in the lake in their flock,
and then the swans flap their wings around in a pattern,
and then they 'fly' and skim the water,
and then they go around and catch fish using their beaks

DUDE, it's a bunch of friggin' swans!

you can't get more demotivational than that 8-D

sniplets of the day

the raye weather this year slightly amuses me;
it is as gloomy as i am

but here's a piece of advice;

if you are not festive and shit gloomy during raye,
please keep it to yourself and not project it to others

...i am not interested in your whinging. period.

=======================================

they say the judicial system is just.

if someone is truthfully tried and convicted
of bludgeoning and murdering and burning people,
wouldn't it be more just if we went ahead to
bludgeon and murder and burn them down as well?

=======================================

in my view, there are certain politicians in this country
that instead of going by intellect or valid development,
they choose to pray on sentiment and emotions instead

for example;

if people are not happy with the price of chickens,
they'll go on tv slating the price of domestic chicken.
if people are not happy with security at banks,
they'll whinge and complain about banking standards.
if people are not happy with buses time balek raye,
they'll conduct public demonstrations loudly lepas jemat

basically they'll memperjuangkan anything
that pisses off the moronic public at that moment,
just to be in the limelight and get media attention,
and be seen as pemimpin perjuangan rakyat

sorry, but to me that just makes you a whore.

=======================================

i do not see the valid argument in saying
that spending a lavish sum on your parents
is a needless and unnecessary pursuit

they gave you a life. end of story.

=======================================

a leader in a local NGO plans to establish
a new political party, an alternative to
those who are not in favor of the opposition
as well as find the right wing to be morons

he goes on to say;

"...sewaktu dengan PAS, saye nampak yang
saye tidak diberi laluan untuk ke depan,
dan sewaktu dengan UMNO pulak,
saye nampak mereka menjauhkan diri
daripade saye. tu yang saye nak buat parti ni..."

and

"...menang ke, kalah ke, saye tak kesah,
saye bukannye ade ambition pun!..."

and

"...saye ade stretiji saye sendighi,
yang akan mengejutkan semua oghang!..."

needless to say that from now on,
i am officially very, very, intrigued 8-D

life. as a list.

even 1 day. counts.

service me

i don't quite see the appeal of being in politics

i recall watching this merdeka tv ad,
with the PM saying, with validity,
"...i am proud knowing that my father
passed away being in service to the nation..."

now, that certainly has merit to me,
particularly in the old days when the nation
had to strive and grow and unite

but now? hmmm...i don't see what the appeal is

let's just see what it boils down to,
this serving the nation of today concept;

1. you have to meet people who you don't necessarily like

2. you then have to go all the way to some crappy village,
otherwise you would be seen as tidak turun padang

3. you have to help them dig up some land gune cangkol
under the hot afternoon sun for some reason.
if you're lucky they might have a tractor,
that you hope won't get stuck otherwise akan kene gelak

4. you have to go to some clinic and hold up babies
just to give the impression that you give a crap

5. you have to go to some hospital and houses
to hear people go ooon and ooon about
their missing toe or missing farm animal

6. you have to give the impression that you give a crap

7. then you have to go to some event
in a hall with no air-conditioning to give a talk,
while at the same time trying not to curse the rakyat
for printing a banner with a not-so-flattering pic of you

8. and during that exact same talk,
you have to hear people whinge and whinge and whinge
about their 'problems'. yes, and this includes facts about toilets

9. once again, you have to give the impression you give a crap

10. and after aaaaaall that crap you go through,
and after kissing ass to be given money
in order to help the rakyat, they don't even vote for you,
and better yet, they go on tv complaining that you
are 'bukan pemimpin bejiwe rakyat'. while at the same time
nampak kat background the guy has a new toe
and new farm animals and clean toilets. boleh?

so yeah, i don't quite see the appeal
in being in service to the nation nowadays

kap kung kaaaaaap!

sharifah amani had a valid point,
the french have it down to an art,
and we'll probably NEVER know
what them germans are saying

have you ever noticed that certain slangs
make you seem more educated than others?

we work with quite a few french-ish accented people here.
even the arabs have a way and a certain slang when talking.
and they sound very melodic!

"...ze celculations aghe like zis,
you have to analyze ze problem..."

it makes you sound educated, you see.
i mean, they can even talk rubbish and it STILL sounds ok

"...i am a moonkey, a very fughy moonkey,
i veghy enjoy zis banana here in malesysie..."

see? now, take the first statement and do it in our local style.
ha, cube cakap base pasar kite, tengok cane;

"...ni kan, kalo ko kire kan, kene cani tauuu,
ko paham ak? ok ak? ko kene kire betol la siooot..."

see how it makes you look like a buffoon?

now, cube korang cakap tuh dalam base siam plak,
tengok samade rase diri sendiri educated atau tak 8-D

like i said, sharifah amani has a valid point.

self restraint of the day

based on an (almost) emotional ranting session by little_d;

"...i can go on and on!
tapi di bulan yang mulia ini,
kite telan jek la yeee..."

...just imagine what could've been said
if it weren't bulan pose kan? haha!

just when you thought otherwise

based on a rather harrowing situation earlier today

"honesty is the best policy" of the day

off today's rather languid meeting;

colleague : so, would you like to update
what is the progress of your team activities?

mua : not really!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!
i must say i enjoyed that.

thank you for wasting your time by calling us

calling customer service.
it can be a source of great, great agony

i have a gripe

i worry when it rains.
i worry when it rains because it may bring thunder.
i worry when thunder comes because it screws up my streamyx.
i worry when my streamyx screws up because i have to call tm.
i worry when i call tm because they will annoy the hell outta me

contoh conversation with tm streamyx customer service;

tm : hello, thank you for calling, how may i assist you?

mua : hello. my streamyx is out. again. thunder. again.
usually a technician comes over and sorts out something
at the tiang telefon. happened 5 or 6 times already so i know.

tm : i see. have you plugged in your cable sir?

mua : huh? of course i did. i just need someone to come over.

tm : i see. have you pressed the "on" button on your modem?

mua : huh? of course i did. look, please send someone over.

tm : hmmm ok, ok. now, is your modem connected to your pc?

mua : listen, i am not a moron! i switched on the bloody modem,
plugged in the cable, and its connected to my darn pc!
could you please now send someone over?

tm : sure thing sir! one more thing sir,
have you paid your streamyx bill for the last 3 months?

mua : YES! for the love of god, send someone over!

tm : very well sir, we will send someone within 3 working days.
would you like to upgrade any of our services you currently have?

HHHMMMPPPHHH

it's all a plot to get you talking so they can charge you more.
pastuh buat-buat pekak tak dengo kite cakap ape.
bloody corporatism.

rant over. sekianterimekaseh 8-D

say my name

another lyrical posto,
this time off the very very catchy
"who's that girl?" from eve

i do not see...

i do not see the point in wearing shiny, pointy, leather shoes.
it makes you look old or gay.

i do not see the point in wearing tonnes of make-up.
it makes you look like a circus clown.

i do not see the point in wearing bells on bracelets.
it makes you sound like a cow.

i do not see the point in keeping
an orange comb in the back pocket.
it makes you seem like a perv.

i do not see the point in wearing sport shoes to work.
it makes you look like a child.