'sorry, i forgot' of the day

now here's something;

how funny would it be if the pemegang
cap mohor diraja or whatever his job is,
would have FORGOTTEN to announce pose?

"...kepade rakyat mesia, saye dengan sukacitanye
mengannounce bahawasenye bulan pose sebenonye
da stat SEMALAM, dan anda sume sekarang kene
ganti pose satu hari. segale kesulitan amat dikesali..."

and how funny would it be when he's asked by
the media as to why the announcement was late,
that he would reply in a tone yang tak besalah;

"...erm, we just kinda forgot about it..."

that would really make my month.

jawapan wajib lulus

a thing of the past. if there were plenty of JW's

if only life were full of jawapan wajib

i remember back in school, eventhough
you got stuck with weird questions,
have no fear, because jawapan wajib is here!

run out of ideas to write dalam exam bm?
simply write down '...dan sebagainya...'
run out of things to write in experiments?
simply write down '...ralat paralaks...'
run out of endings to write in your karangan?
simply write down '...rupenye aku bermimpi...'

just when you think jawapan wajib's are gone,
i saw a lady on the news answering a question
as to why she chose a particular brand

she had this blank expression on her face,
and slowly, but surely, she wonderfully said;
'...sebab jenama ni lain daripada yang lain...'

yes. lain daripada yang lain. heheh.
found myself giggling at the tv.
felt as if i was greeting an old friend

see? there's still hope for jawapan wajib yet!

ooo ooo aaa aaa! WTF la kan

cats are waaay cooler. despite looking grumpy.

i hate monkeys

i think they're ugly and annoying.
i think they're fucking hairy and smelly.
plus they make that annoying sound

i have no interest in protecting apes.
i do not care if they go extinct.
and i certainly hate that stupid-ass
theory that humans are descendants of apes

so, imagine my disdain when i watched
that music video of bruno mars
with him dancing with fucking monkeys

i used to like bruno mars,
with his great tunes and everything,
but now i don't. why? he's not bruno mars

he's bruno planet of the fucking apes

word.

a 'matters of the heart' posto,
credit nani, for posting the wonderful status message

people aren't objects.

earned. not bought.

you know what? i beg to differ;
customers are NOT always rite

the ugly side of purchasing things is,
we tend to treat it as just that; things

our mind has gone to; purchase, pay,
get things, things are objects,
objects are mine, i get to do what i want

if you take notice, we allow it to transcend
into the everyday services that we pay for

take ordering food for example,
we have this ugly habit of being rude
and we think it's ok to mistreat waiters

we want them to be super quick,
we want them to be nice to US all the time,
and we want them to NOT make any mistakes

why? because we paid for it.

how sad would it be when one day
we forsake basic humanity and manners,
all bcos "...eh, sukati la, aku bayar ape..."

so, whatever your stance on the issue,
the customer is NOT always right,
regardless whether they've paid a zillion bucks

omg.otw.lol.

yup. this is how 'otw' looks like.

here's the thing, i always wonder
why do we like saying 'otw!'
when we're actually NOT?

situation : we're supposed to meet
our fwen at, say, 2 pm

currently : we just woke up.
and it's already 1.35 pm

solution : sms 'otw' to fwen.

you know, in the hope it'll
buy us some time when there isn't any.
just bcos it took ages for us
to wake up and to get our lazy-ass
all showered and ready to go

maybe it's time we just be honest
and sms 'sowy! juz got my lazy-ass up.
will be dere in an hour. you go ahead
and eat / go in the cinema / play game
first, and since i'm late, i won't
harbour any ill feelings if you do so'

...wouldn't THAT be just magic? LOL

'we know it's silly, but let's just ask anyway' of the day

money. just checking whether you'd like to have some.

off a tv ad from colgate, it shows a guy
in a really white suit asking a passer-by lady;

guy in a really white suit : excuse me,
would you like to have whiter teeth?

WAT KINDA OF A STUPID-ASS Q IS DAT?

and why the feck is a dentist running around
in supermarkets asking random people
whether they'd like to have whiter teeth?
tade customer ek kat klinik gigi ko tu?

hmmmph.

seandainya bila ku bisa memilih...

another lyrical posto, this time off
the fantastic 'demi waktu' from ungu 8-)

it isn't rocket science ok.

to certain designers and airline bosses, it fits.

now, caltex has this pretty good slogan,
which kinda goes something along the lines of,
"...we know, cos we're drivers too!..."

or something like that.

anyway, i think it's a great slogan,
because it demonstrates the caltex people
as being the 'customers' as well

you know, products for customers BY customers

i wonder if the food department at MAS
are people who actually get on the flites.
my logic tells me that if they DO,
it's quite likely they would've been served
their meal in this ridiculous and shit stupid meal box

who the hell designs AND approves a meal box
with that stupid paper strap / belt / whatever it is,
and takes FOREVER for people to attach it back on
after they've finished their darn (overpriced) meal?

it doesn't take a genius to figure out that if
the outer part of your meal box is trapezium-shaped,
then what you should do is, design the friggin strap /
belt / whatever it is, to be shaped THE SAME WAY kan?

ni tak, friggin meal box is trapezium,
and your stupid-ass strap is half trapezium,
half square, half rectangular, half whatever.
see? there isn't even a NAME for that bloody shape!

IT'S LIKE FORCING SQUARES IN ROUND PEGS ok!

they might as well have a slogan for themselves,
something to explain why that stupid-ass box is there;
"...we don't know shapes, that's why we design shit..."

...it boggles the mind

there are days...

when the world washes away, you might find beauty

...when you are so overwhelmed and exhausted,
and you feel as if the whole world is on your shoulders

...when you want to take care of everyone so badly,
that you end up not taking care of yourself

...when you don't want to shirk your responsibilities,
but in doing so, you also help others to grow

...when you realize that at times you have to let go,
and put your trust and faith in others

...when you might find wonderful surprises,
even by letting the world slip away every now and then

salah konsep of the day

there are days when you feel
you would like strangle your friends

today is one of those days for me,
specially after this little conversation;

mua : i'd like 10 bucks for my besdey!

F.M.F.L.S. : (fwen me feel like strangling)
imagine i have given you that 10 bucks ok. like eMoney!

banyak la ko punye eMoney 8-D

and j.k. rowling lived wealthily ever after.

it all ends? yes, it does.

fact; common experiences bring people together

for better or worse, on one hand or the other,
regardless of whether the experience was good or bad,
the fact that we shared something brings us closer

we watched as these cute little fellas grow,
we watched as they brought amazement and fun,
we watched as they soared high up in the skies,
we watched as they played lotsa neat tricks,
we watched as they solved puzzles here and there,
we watched as they forged friendship and kinship,
we watched as they battled monsters and wizards

...and then there was the finale

how we feared for their safety and well-being,
how we felt their unbearable pain and sacrifice,
how we carried the burden of their responsibilities

but then we saw how heroes come from nowhere,
we saw how good will triumph in our darkest hour,
and we saw how friendship and love,
trust and faith, strength and humility,
is the greatest gift for us all

and that, is an experience we all share

we shared it from the 1st movie onwards,
and eventhough it's time to bid farewell,
the wonderful experience might bring us together.

the harry potter franchise. it truly was magic.

'kalu da kantoi tu, terime jela ye' of the day

blogger. a great place to update daily work performance.

happened a little while ago today;

colleague : (walking past my desk) wadya doin?

mua : erm, i'm updating the production performance

colleague : so, you're updating the production performance
on a website called blogger?

kalu cakap cam berok and gile harte, baru lojik

cicakman. cite mayu yang tade unsur rampas rete oghang.
patut pun cite tu tak lojik.

what is it with malay people?

we love to watch hollywood and bollywood flicks,
we find amazement in the transformers
and the harry potter movie franchise

...and yet kalu cite tu oghang mayu buat,
mesti teruih kite kate mendealah tu tak lojik

sebagai contoh, kalu tengok cite trensfomer mayu,
mesti kite kate mende cam;
"...weh, maneleh kete jadi robot doh,
tak lojik weh, mesti JPJ da saman sume tu doh,
tak lojik lansong doh cite nih..."

pastuh kalu tengok cite heri poter mayu,
mesti kite kate mende cam;
"...weh, manede oghang bleh terbang sane-sini,
antu raye je bleh, pastu naper nak gune magic?
tak reti bace surah yasin ke? tak lojik doh..."

ha tengok? the only things yang lojik
untuk oghang mayu is when cite tu
melibatkan oghang yang cakap cam berok
pastuh sume oghang mayu kaye-raye,
pakai jeket walaupun tengah panas terik,
pastuh sume oghang nak rampas harte
and kompeni masing-masing

sume oghang dok pakai bmw ngan mercedes,
pastuh pakai jeket tengah panas terik.
tu baru tak lojik doh.

get with the programme, bloody beijing!

sempoa. better than excel.

now, we have a new intern,
a local kid, going for internship here
while he's on his semester break

he studies in china

yes. he studies in friggin china.
as if kat situ je ade skolah ok.
as if mesia ni punye la beso cam tade skolah je

and he studies engineering.
in chinese. which means he doesn't
understand a thing we're teaching him,
cause we're teaching him in english,
you know, the language that EVERYONE ELSE uses

and to top things off, he can't use excel.
because in friggin china they use something else.
which is probably made in china.

and is used by china people. only.

so, why the fuck aren't you doing
your fucking internship in fucking china then?
get with programme man, sheesh.

(airline) incident of the day

priority seats. great for people who aren't even THERE.

this happened to me a few weeks ago

while waiting at the departure hall,
i was asked this by the darn person
who clearly wanted to boot me out;

"...excuse me sir, but you're sitting on
the priority seats. it's only for families,
little kids traveling alone, and for people
who are handicapped or the elderly..."

so lemme get this straight, you want me
to get out of the priority seats eventhough
the friggin departure hall is FULL
and they are NO OTHER seats left,
AND they are NO friggin families,
NO friggin little kids travelling alone,
NO friggin handicapped or friggin elderly people?

wat the feck is that all about?

so i go with this;

"...oh, i'd like to be prioritized please,
that's why i'm sitting here..."

end of story.

A-hole is such a whingy little bitch.

now, in major league baseball,
there's this rather good player
called alex rodriguez i think,
and for coolness' sake,
they like to call him A-rod

now, mesians have their very own person
who has quite the high profile,
and not to mention quite the scandalous type too

let's call em A-hole

now, what A-hole likes to do is
run around here and there in public,
gathering hordes and hordes of (stupid) people,
give em some whingy sales pitch
that would appeal to the (stupid) people,
and in the end everyone will cry foul
and then take to the streets in protest

and while everyone protests,
he's busy getting his dick sucked
(either by a boy or a hooker, no preference)

and in the end, for some friggin reason
out of TENS OF THOUSANDS of people,
he's the ONLY ONE who gets hurt and has
to go for some friggin CT scan

all to say that he has been victimized
and that everyone should sympathize
and that everyone should vote for him

lemme get this straight;

you expect US to vote for someone
who is constantly whinging about everything,
who likes to bonk both boys AND hookers,
AND who has no problems sacrificing
peace and the nation's future,
just to safeguard YOUR own?

what a whingy little bitch.

cow scent

what is it with arab perfume?

have you ever passed a shop
that sells arab carpets and vases
and not to mention that god-awful arab perfume

it smells like shit

why the feck do people wanna run around
smelling like a fart factory is beyond me.
baik jual dettol je.

busok cam lembu ok.

big seats means big ass ok.

what is it with first-class passengers?

when you walk past them on your way
back to the economy class section of the flight,
they make sure they look at you
as if to say, "hey man, seat aku beso. ko ade?"

look, i know they get bigger seats
and i know they get those bloody hot towels.
i'd love to wrap it around their bloody necks

and if you notice, once we've landed,
for some bloody reason they have this curtain
which they CLOSE to separate them from us

what, i'm not even supposed to SEE them
when the plane has fecking landed?
wat the feck is THAT all about?

i hope the stewardess farts at them.

'ha tau takpers' of the day

now, they say that ladies may even
go for shit uglay or shit old people,
as long as they drive nice, fancy cars

ha, aku ni dulu nek kancil je,
tapi ade gok oghang usha aku,
siap ade gok dapek gefren ok

that means i am comel. tau takpers.

mana kan mungkin, mengikuti caramu...

when i was growing up, i loved dangdut

there was this one song, it's super cheesy
and super annoying and super embarrassing,
but it's also super catchy nonetheless

it was called "...singkong dan keju..."

"...aku suka jaipong, kau suka disko
owh! (background : owh!) owh!
aku suka singkong, kau suka keju
owh! (background : owh!) owh!

aku dambakan seorang gadis yang sederhana
aku ini hanya anak singkong,
akuuu hanyaaa anak singkooong!

apa?!! (background : anak singkooong!)
yaaa! a-anak singkong!..."

...but now there's sexy dangdut instead

that's right. sexy dangdut.
where you have scantily-clad ladies
singing about dangdut, but with the extra of
having them dance around and dry humping
things and people on stage hahaha!

call me ol fashioned, but it's like watching
christina aguilera with skimpy clothes

dude, if you are THAT talented,
and if your music is THAT good,
you don't NEED to start gyrating things
and have sex as a selling point to your craft!

same thing with the dangdut,
if you sing about something as simple as veggies,
but STILL be able to come up with
a catchy, and interesting and entertaining song,
then please stick to the simple and great tradition

sex sells, yes, but let's leave that to others.
for your wonderful brand of dangdut,
by all means, please sing about veggies

i would love it, despite this being veggiesnolikey ;-)

perFeck.

what is it with mesians?
we want perfection.
we want perfect people.

we acknowledge the fact that they AREN'T any,
but that doesn't stop us, we still want em!

we want perfect celebrities,
we want perfect politicians,
we want a perfect public persona

we want them to be morally perfect,
we want them to never make any mistakes,
we want them to be righteous in every single way

and yet we know it can't happen

so we punish them and treat them like shit,
we rant and rage about their imperfections,
and we love it when they get condemned by all

i wonder if we realize that it's a reflection of ourselves.
we are a society of hypocrites.
and we are not as rightous as we'd like to believe.

...get a friggin' life.

blackout